It has been a year now since my last post here. A lot of things happened in that one year. I am not going to detailed it here because it is all in the past and I am more excited of what the future brings me and the new people who accepted me with such good heart.
I am about to make a big decision that will definitely going to change my life now. I am bit worried and scared but I am willing to take the risk than be stuck in this place or in this kind of life which I am not happy. I think this is the time for me to do what I want, to do what I love. I feel like this past few years I was so focused on my work only that I forgot how to live. I was like pushing myself too much to exceed the expectation of the people surrounding me. I guess they were thinking at this age, most of people should be having their own properties, their own expensive cars but this what they want and not what I want.
Ever since I was kid, I never dream of becoming rich. I hate city life. I hate crowded places. I like the smell of fresh air when waking up in the morning. The sound of the birds chirping on your window. I even dream of having my own little house in a farm. I just like a simple life. A life where my family can eat three times a day. A life that can support the education of my son. A life that is near with the people I love where I can hug them whenever I want and see them whenever I want. Sad thing, all this dream was the opposite of the life I have now.
I have been living in this country where they said everything is possible. Surrounded by huge shopping malls, modern buildings and night clubs open to all nationalities drinking and getting wild. I cannot say that within that six years of living in Dubai I was all unhappy. This country gave me so many opportunities. I was able to travel to Singapore with my son, to Italy to meet my family, to Armenia to experience snow and I was able to bring my son here as well.
My love of traveling started here in Dubai because it was so easy for them to process a visa if you want to travel to another country. I was able to support the education of my son and gave him some of the things he likes. Unfortunately, I need to live miles away from him and try to go back home in the Philippines every year if I have enough money earned. I was also lost and almost drowned of the luxury life that this country offered me. Drinking, Partying.. it was all a waste of money and time. I am just glad I am already done with that stage. I am more focus now on earning but at the same time on how to live a happy life.
I am thankful that I was able to come here and stayed here in Dubai for six years now but this is not the kind of life I want to live. I have been into 3 companies here in Dubai and I was never lucky to have a very good boss or a very good management. I will share this part of my story on my next post.
What worst is that you will go home in a place full of fake people. What had happened to me which i used to call "second home" or "second family" was really depressing. I was trying so hard to please everyone but I guess as the saying goes you cannot please everybody. I prefer not elaborate anymore what had happened to us in that flat because I still want to focus more on the positive side of every entry I will have in my blog. Maybe I am not yet ready to share it all here. Maybe when all the pain and anger are all gone then I guess that would be a better time for me to share my story on that flat.
There are a lot of stories to tell that behind this glittery or luxury life that many people think we have here in Dubai, there are so many people who sometimes do not eat anymore just to send all there hard earned money back to their home country, for their family. Some choose to do illegal stuffs because it is the fastest way for them to earn money. I mean the story of an OFW does not only revolve about their struggles in work, about the people they meet here who betrayed them. It is about how are they surviving in this sad place, alone and far way from the people who truly loves them. It is about the tears and the pain they need to endure for the sake of their family back home.
Living here in Dubai will certainly make you feel depressed at most times and I am glad I was strong enough to not let this emotion gets the best of me. I am just really glad I survive it.
There are also a lot of things I am going to miss this country. Of course aside with my boyfriend and the family of my sister specially my cute nephew, Austin, with his super chubby cheeks. I will miss the fooooodieees like beryani, samosa, shawarma, hummus, aloo paratha, arabic bread etc. even the drinking of chai. You know when you are on a tight budget here, what we OFW's or the other nationalities usually eat only are samosa and chai or shawarma and chai.
*Chai - spiced tea of Indians
In a few more days I will be totally free. Although it is sad to leave the people you love here but I need a time-out and rejuvenate myself. I am even still clueless of my purpose in life and where this journey will leads me. I am not sure if I am going to be back here or I will be in some other part of the world or I am going to be staying to my home country. I really don't have any concrete plans. It is scary because I have a son who is depending on me. I cannot even find the right words how will I continue this post because I was thinking of what will happen to me back in the Philippines but I cannot also stay here in this toxic environment. Call me stupid or selfish but at this point of my life I just want to do what I really love. This is the time that I just want to be with my son and watch him grow where I can able to hug him and kiss him before he sleeps at night or before he goes to school.
For those OFWs, life is really difficult abroad, congratulations to those who stayed and still striving hard for their family. While for the others who already feel like giving up, do not forget to pray and try to think about the people who loves and cares about you. You have the power to choose and you are the only one who have control of your own life. Don't let other people dictates you of what you need to do with your life. Do not let your emotions be affected of what other people think and says about you. Working abroad is not the only way to earn and save money. It is about determination and knowing what you want or doing what you really love.
Do not waste your time here on earth, feeling lonely and miserable. It is a cruel world, believe me I know. But you still need to find ways on how to live a happy life. You are not alone, I am..you. Exhausted, Clueless, Lost but I am willing to go out there and find my purpose. Why not join me in this new chapter of my life and see what really fate has to offer me.
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